My Conclusion: They Love Each Other, but They’re not Codependent

So, part of my spring break homework was to find an unusual behavior, make observations on it during this week, and then answer some questions/design a lab testing a hypothesis regarding said behavior. So I decided to study a mated pair of cardinals we have, because they often come to our bird feeder together. It’s a really cute, romantic thing to say that they always come together because they love each other.

But then I noticed that they don’t always come together, that it’s not even an unusual occurrence to see only Mr. Cardinal or Mrs. Cardinal out there. And that kinda dampened the sweet, romantic image I had for them.  But then I made this not-so-scientific conclusion: they love each other, but they’re not codependent. And I realized that that is even sweeter than if they always came together. Image

Romantic relationships can be really cute. Most people get really happy whenever they see their friends in relationships with good people. In our fandoms, we “ship” characters together because we want to see them happy. We do have the tendency to glorify romantic relationships too much, making someone else’s or even our own sense of joy dependent on being romantically involved with someone else. Think of all the upset single people you see on Valentine’s Day. But that’s not quite what I want to talk about…

Basically, we like seeing people committed to other people, and we like seeing the same in ourselves. At least, most of the time we do. There are plenty of exceptions to that rule…Again, that’s not what I was intending to talk about. Where was I? Oh, commitment! It’s a wonderful thing, both in romantic relationships and in everyday relationships (which are just as precious). However, especially in romantic relationships, you need to both be committed to it because as much as other people may be committed to you two being together, those other people really can’t keep you together. 

But sometimes, people can take the idea of commitment and go too far. That’s called obsession. When couples only have eyes for each other and are seemingly lost without their significant other, that’s…not exactly healthy. You should be able to function in society without your significant other, you should not be joined to them at the hip, and you should not base the entirety of your happiness on your relationship with them. You should at least have some independence. Love and commitment are great, but do not define yourself by your relationship with another person.

You are beautiful and unique. You have so many complexities and eccentricities that make you so completely you, and that is a wonderful thing. And if you have devoted yourself to another person, then I hope you are happy.

But do not sacrifice your individuality for another person, whether they be friend, family, or significant other. I don’t mean to say that you should forget all others and care only for yourself. I’m not saying you should be completely selfish and narcissistic and never sacrifice anything for anyone ever. I’m just saying that the real you is too precious to be lost in a sea of obsessions or dreams, as sweet and beautiful as they may be. As Edna Pontellier says in The Awakening, “I would give up the unessential; I would give up my money, I would give up my life for my children; but I wouldn’t give myself.” Dont’ give up yourself.

Epylle Spydre


The Color Yellow

Hello, folks! I actually have no idea if anyone is reading this right now, but at least I can pretend. Today, I wanna talk about something happier than yesterday, so I do believe I shall talk about the color yellow. I know, really deep stuff. But hopefully, the color yellow will lead us on a marvelous adventure, so that we can finally stumble across a marvelous, (but probably tiny) epiphany. Let’s get going.

Okay, so I’ve said the color yellow three times right now (if you include the title, which I do), and you’ve probably connected it with things. Sunshine, butter, lemons, school buses, bumblebees. I personally like sunshine the best. However, the point is that people connect yellow with certain things, and those things are usually quite positive. Yellow is the unofficial, yet widely used color of happiness. Isn’t that kind of funny? How we, as humans, like to associate certain emotions and concepts with colors. It’s just kind of amusing. Red is for love, purple is for mystery, green is for growth, blue is for sadness, and orange… Well, I dunno about orange. But that’s not the point.

As people, we like to connect things: dots, experiences, knowledge, and even colors. Everything is just one large web (just watched the new Spiderman movie) of inter-connected emotions, concepts, knowledge, experiences, etc etc etc. It brings a sense of unity. People like to feel connected with other people. How many times will we say during the story of somebody else, “oh that happens to me all the time!”? Or, we might say, “I do that, too!” or “I saw somebody doing that once”. Are you getting my drift here?

The mind of the human likes to connect things. I mean, I’m sure some animals do that, too. We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dog, yes? But there is something unique about the way the human brain connects things. From a philosophical standpoint, I see that and say that that’s how people empathize with others and have compassion on them. We, quite literally, connect with them. It’s really quite beautiful. I mean, that’s how relationships are made.

Okay, a little etymology here. “Relation” comes from the Latin, meaning “a bringing back, restoring”. The suffix “ship” just means a state or condition of being. But the relation part of it hints at a connecting type of thing. When we make relationships, we are bringing back memories and experiences that we’ve made to connect with their own memories and experiences. Okay, that’s a little bit of a stretch, but it’s still pretty cool.

Okay, where did I get to with this? Oh, right. The human brain connects. We connect literally everything, including colors (aha! back to my title! Wow, I had no idea this would take this path…). And that allows humans to become empathetic, creating relationships. Wow, that sounded like a math formula. I am such a nerd… Yay for connections that help us to make relationships!

Yours truly,

Epylle Spydre


picture credit to Tara M. You should check out her blog, too! It’s 🙂